the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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