I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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