remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
