whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
