at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
