Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
