nut hugger
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize