brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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