just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
