Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
