i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I look better un-naked...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
