Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
