i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
