I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
