My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
