This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
