you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
