Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
