remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
