I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
