I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
