what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
