it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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