jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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