i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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