worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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