Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
