you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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