Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize