Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
