Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
