Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
