I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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