i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My cat gives me a boner
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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