So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That accounts for only three of the penises
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
