A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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