She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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