She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
