The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
