***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hippo gnu deer
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
