After last night, I could never be a politician.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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