Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
