Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
