so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Holy sore nipples Batman
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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