Girls should come with a carfax report
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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