I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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