Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
