I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
