Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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