i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
