My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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