Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
