when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
