No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
