Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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