toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
