Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she told me i tasted like america
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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