he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
