High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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