Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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