i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
