What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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