Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
