You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
