yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
