I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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