Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
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