So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
