In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
