Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we're making bets on your personal life
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
