note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
