What did we do last night that was yellow?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
