I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
