swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize