Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
