2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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