so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
