Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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