remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
