He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
