i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Randomize
