i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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